Offertory

Create in me a clean heart, O God;
and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from thy presence;
and take not thy holy spirit from me.
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation;
and uphold me with thy free spirit.
(Psalm 51:10-12)

Aslan Is On The Move

Cultivate

Something about this time of year leads my thoughts in the direction of growth and change. Call it a spring cleaning kind of thing. It happens to be a convenient time to look back on the goals I set at the beginning of the year and evaluate how I'm doing. This year, the word I picked to focus on happens to be cultivate.
So rather than emphasize how many pounds I have or haven't lost or how many words I have or haven't written, I'm reflecting more on theme. It's pleasant how God pointed me towards a word that holds such deep significance throughout the seasons and especially at this time of year. How am I doing at cultivating peace, hope, and other positive attributes in my life?
What do you wish to cultivate in your life? What do the seeds look like? What soil does it grow best in? How do you feed and care for it?

Good Friday

What I Gave Up For Lent

Lutherans do not traditionally practice giving up something for Lent, but I and many of my fellow Lutheran friends do so anyway. I've given up a variety of things over the years, everything from TV to chocolate to bad language. I've given up other things during Lent, like the time I let go of someone I loved very much when she died of cancer during Lent.
This year it was really difficult to determine what God would have me give up. As I've mentioned, life is not easy for me these days. While there was a time when I grew spiritually by giving up one of life's little pleasures for a little while, I just don't think God is calling me to give up sources of relaxation, comfort, and support at this time. Yes, there probably still would be benefits to giving up various foods or forms of technology. Right now I need to believe that to eliminate that which makes me laugh, smile, or feel encouraged would be to reject the very gifts God is offering me.
When I came to that conclusion, it was as if a window to heaven had opened. I decided to give up hopelessness and discouragement for Lent. And you know what? It actually worked. Life is still hard, and I still get stressed and overwhelmed. But despair has lost much of the hold it had over me since I decided to give it up.
Now, along with this theme, I'd like you to go to this site and listen to a song by John Waller that speaks to exactly what I'm talking about. You'll have to scroll down to the song called "Our God Reigns Here." I really hope you listen to the song. Leave a comment and let me know what you thought of it. This means you.

Holy Week

The last few weeks have been challenging, so I took some much needed time off from a few things, including blogging. I will be at a conference next week and I will likely be too busy and too tired to blog then.
So what do I have to talk about during this Holy Week? It always seems that my words are insufficient to describe my experience of the week we commemorate the passion of our Lord. It's a very contemplative, introspective time for me. It's also hard to articulate my thoughts. Yet each year, God teaches me something new and different about some element of the events of Holy Week.
Our sermon on Sunday focused on how Mary did a "beautiful thing" by anointing Jesus with expensive perfume. She was not aware of the events to come, nor could she have stopped them if she knew, but "she did what she could" to show her love for Jesus. Hers was a radical expression of faith and devotion as Jesus approached what He knew would be terrible agony and suffering. In short order, Jesus' friends betrayed, denied, and abandoned Him. Even His Father forsook Him for a time so we would never have to know the pain of that separation.
I know that when people are powerless to change my own painful circumstances it means something when they choose to "do what they can," even at their own expense. Some people find it difficult to stick around during the hard times. It's easy to love and call someone your friend during the good times. Real commitment is needed when the going gets tough.
I wonder if Christ thought of Mary's act of devotion while He was on the cross. I wonder if she ever knew how much she really did.

Euphemism

Not that long ago I was watching an interview on late night TV. I can't recall the name of the person being interviewed, but I know he was of British, possibly Irish. He shared a few stories of the typical late night variety. Those designed for shock value and a good laugh. Then he digressed to talking about the family he grew up with and as he became quieter and more serious, he commented "of course, they've all been gathered now."
This shift in tone did not escape the attention of the host, as he quickly poked fun at the use of the gentle euphemism in stark contrast to more acceptable, irreverent slang. It didn't escape my attention either. Most of us are uncomfortable with death and we have created much vocabulary in the name of avoiding the true meaning of the word. I'd never heard the phrase "they've been gathered" before. And the thing is, despite the fact that we invented the term as a euphemism, I think it might be the truest picture we could paint of what happens when we die.

Rethinking The Sabbath

I've been having some trouble with my Sunday afternoons. Actually, the problem begins before that. By the end of the week I am so tired that I'm good for nothing on Saturday. So I putz around, watch movies, take naps, and do very little.
This means that on Sundays I have to do laundry and all the other chores that I didn't get to during the week. And try to squeeze in some productive writing and art time. I don't like this arrangement because I would prefer to have Sunday be my day of rest. I'm not happy with a "veg out" day substituting for time I could be using to grow spiritually and personally.
Enter Happy Fun Night. Some of you might recall that I recently started experimenting with making Wednesday nights my Happy Fun Night. This was to help get me through the week, as it can be challenging to do that some weeks. I've had occasional moderate success with this. I think it's hard to coordinate a major fun, or social event in the middle of the week.
So, I'm reinventing Happy Fun Night into a Sabbath Night. Reading, journaling, praying, yoga. And because both are a spiritual practice for me, I'm going to include art and writing. I might even let the occasional manicure and bubble bath slip in. I'm pretty sure God will be cool with that.

A Free Gift

Grace
She takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name
Grace
It's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that
Changed the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness
In everything
Grace
She's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside
Of karma,
She travels outside
Of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear the strings
Grace finds beauty
In everything
Grace
She carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips
Between her fingertips
She carries a pearl
In perfect condition
What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stains
Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things
Grace finds beauty
In everything
Grace finds goodness
In everything

Grace, U2

Reformation

According to the church calendar we celebrate Reformation Sunday today, even though the actual day is not until October 31st. It just falls that way this year on account of All Saints' Day being right after Reformation and then jumping right into advent.
Anyway, I know Martin Luther wasn't perfect, but I believe he did get quite a few things right in terms of his theology and did, in fact, effect much needed change within the church.
Here are a few of my favorite quotes from Martin Luther.

• Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.
• Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.
• Faith is permitting ourselves to be seized by the things we do not see.
• Forgiveness is God's command.
• God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone, but also on trees, and in the flowers and clouds and stars.
• To go against conscience is neither right nor safe. Here I stand, I can not do otherwise.
• I more fear what is within me than what comes from without.
• The man who has the will to undergo all labor may win to any good.
• You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say.

Understanding

Do you ever wonder if God understands everything about what you go through? Some people think He'll understand about the big stuff, but sometimes it seems like the day to day stuff we deal with is fairly inconsequential. We kind of treat those things as though they are simply things we just have to deal with on our own.
I'm sometimes guilty of falling into that trap myself. The other night I was reading the Psalms and these verses reminded He gets even the "little things."

"My heart is in anguish within me,
the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
Fear and trembling come upon me,
and horror overwhelms me.
And I say ' O that I had wings like a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest;
truly I would flee far away;
I would lodge in the wilderness;
I would hurry to find a shelter for myself
from the raging wind and tempest'...
It is not enemies who taunt me-
I could bear that;
it is not adversaries who deal insolently with me-
I could hide from them.
But it is you, my equal,
my companion, my familiar friend,
with whom I kept pleasant company...
My companion has laid hands on a friend
and violated a covenant with me
with speech smoother than butter,
but with a heart set on war;
with words that were softer that oil,
but in fact were drawn swords."

What Is There To Say?

About a year and a half ago I experienced the loss of someone I was very close to. Many people were very supportive of me during that time. Since then, I've experienced other losses and I've learned a great deal, some through the support of others and some in the absence of that support.
Now one of the friends who was so supportive during my time of grief is mourning a loss of her own. And despite everything I've read, everything I know about loss, and the countless acts of care and concern I've experienced from others, I do not know what to do or say. I cannot think of anything that would do justice to the kind of friendship she has shown me in my times of need. I cannot think of anything that can for one second diminish the helpless, empty pain of her loss.
There is hope for the future. And that does not change the fact that now is hard.

Silence

I orginally posted this a little over a year ago. It's worthy of a repost today.

Take, take til there’s nothing. Nothing to turn to. Nothing when you get through. Break, scatter pieces of all I’ve been. Bowing to all I’ve been running to.
Where are You? Where are You?
Did You leave me unbreakable? Leave me frozen? I never felt so cold, I though You were silent. And I thought You left me for the wreckage and the waste on an empty beach of faith. Was it true?
'Cause I, I got a question. I got a question. Where are You?
Scream, deeper I want to scream. I want You to hear me. I want You to find me. I want to believe. But all I pray is wrong and all I claim is gone.
I, I got a question. I got a question. Where are You? Yeah, Yeah, I, I got a question. I got a question. Where are You?
Where are You?
Where are You?
Where are You?

Silence, Jars of Clay

The Existence of God

My proof of the existence of God isn't based on a philosophical point of view or theological arguments. It's not even so much proof, given that one can't prove things you need to take on faith. The whole point is to take those things on faith.
I believe in God because of Spring. Spring is when God gets to show off. Pansies, tulips, and pussy willows. Pussy willows! I can't believe pussy willows just "got here" by some cosmic accident. It's not just the complexity of nature that screams intelligent design. Many people think that the complicated relationships of plants, animals, and even science are an example of evidence that God exists. Perhaps they are right. The fact that one particular plant in Zimbabwe cures some obscure disease or one specific insect contributes to the agriculture of a whole region is indeed miraculous. But I think the opposite is also evidence for the existence of God. As far as we know, the only job of the pussy willow is to be pretty. No real purpose, just pure, extravagant, gratuitous pleasure. And lilacs. As far as I know, the only reason that lilacs exist is to make me exceedingly happy.
Only God could make up stuff like this.

Holy Week

Holy Week started with Palm Sunday a few days ago and will soon culminate with Easter. This year, our church did something different for Palm Sunday. Usually this particular day is all about celebrating and honoring Christ as our true King. Last Sunday we did that, but it was in the context of what's in store for the rest of the week. Our liturgy was an overview of the coming week.
I often find Holy Week a reflective, somewhat emotional time. So I was a little unprepared to dive right in like we did on Sunday. I'm not sure what I think of it. Jesus' contemporaries did not have the same context in which to place the events of that first Holy Week. We know the rest of the story. Like I said, I'm not sure what I think about celebrating within that context, but it sure does have me thinking.

Oh Christmas Tree

If you've read my 100 Things you know that I only have bears on my Christmas tree. You also know there are only three exceptions. If you don't know what they are, I'm not telling.
I just love putting up my tree each year. Now that I have a tree that's actually taller than I am, I do require assistance with the assembly of the tree itself (yes, it's a fake) and the lights. Even though my collection of ornaments is still fairly small, each one has a special meaning. Virtually all of my ornaments were given to me by friends or family. Funny how when people find out you like teddy bear ornaments they tend to pay attention.
There is a set of 2 ornaments that I bought for myself a few years ago. I was on the lookout for a 4th exception to my "bears only" rule. I wanted the perfect periwinkle round glass ornament seeing as how my tree has a notable lack of that style and periwinkle is my favorite color. So on a random shopping trip with a friend I discovered periwinkle, round, glass ornaments. With bears on them!!
Now I don't believe God is into materialism or commercialism, but that day I do believe I heard Him whisper "Hey, see that? I made it just for you."

What Will Heaven Be Like?

Several posts ago I facetiously said I hope we'll be able to read all the books in our "to be read" piles once we get to heaven. I also implied that whatever heaven will be like, I don't think cherries will be there. At least not in my little corner of the kingdom.
The point I was trying to make is that our finite little brains can't begin to conceptualize how wonderful heaven will be. Except...
There's this song that Geoff Moore recently covered called "When I Get Where I'm Going." It's about what things will be like when we get to heaven. I must confess I have not always liked this song. I thought of it as just another rather "fluffy" image of eternal life.
On closer listening, I heard the line "I will leave my heart wide open. I will love and have no fear."
Even the best relationships here on earth are imperfect. We disappoint each other. We get rejected. We disagree. Imagine what it would be like to not be afraid to love and be loved. Never having to wonder if someone thinks you're not good enough. Never feeling ignored or let down. Never having to wonder if your opinion will be accepted. Never being afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. Imagine knowing it's always safe to interrupt, always safe to ask, and safe to love because you know the risk that you won't be loved in return simply doesn't exist.
Sounds heavenly, doesn't it?

Current Read: Man's Search for Meaning, Victor Frankel
Current Music: Happy, Matthew West

Questions & Cicadas

I don't know about you, but sometimes I find myself with a lot of questions I'd like God to answer. Some of them are quite serious, and some of them are more for the sake of curiosity.
For example, our finite brains have a hard time conceptualizing what heaven will be like. Recently, I read something on this subject in a collection of Ralph Waldo Emerson's letters and essays. He was lamenting the fact that his "to be read pile" of books never seems to get smaller. So he wondered if, when when we get to heaven, we will have access to all the material we hadn't read in our lifetimes. I think this question goes to the top of my list of questions for God.
One of my longstanding questions is about cherries. I understand that part of the magnificence of God's creation is the variety. And I understand that he made each of us different, so that the things you enjoy might not be the things I enjoy. So if you like palm trees or lima beans, I can appreciate that even if palm trees or lima beans don't thrill me. What I can't understand is cherries. I know there are plenty of you out there who think cherries are perfectly lovely. But I don't get it. The whole concept of cherries being something other than a consequence of original sin and the fall of man is a mystery to me. So my next question is about cherries.
Then there's the cicadas. Have you seen these things? They are ugly. Some of the creatures on this earth are a little odd. Some, like perhaps the cockroach, are downright unattractive. But the cicada is hideous. And they only get to come out from underground every 17 years so they can... ummm... mate. These poor bugs have it worse than the penguins. Yeah, I need to ask God about what's up with the cicadas.

What Does This Mean?

If you remember your Luther's Small Catechism at all, hopefully the title gave you a grin.
As a writer, I have a fondness for words and their meanings. I also love metaphors, double meanings, contradictions, analogies, and anything of that sort.
Think about the word "miss." In one sense, it relates to avoiding, failing, or escaping something that is present, an appointment, a pedestrian, a ball. But the dictionary provides a second meaning with a separate entry, indicating the distinction is more significant than a variant or a slight alteration. The second meaning of "miss" is "disadvantage or regret resulting from loss."
In this case we miss something precisely because it is not, cannot, and will not be present. Big feeling for such a small word, huh?
And what about "free?" I heard someone talking the other day about how we are free. But to be free is not a "please take one" coupon kind of experience. To be free is expensive. You were bought at a great price (1st Corinthians 6:20). Freedom is fought for every day in the physical world. The value of our freedom is even more powerfully reflected in the knowledge that God considers your soul priceless.

Believe It or Not

A lot of people have a hard time believing in the resurrection of Jesus. It goes against what we understand about the natural world. It’s hard to explain.
Come to think of it, Good Friday is even harder to explain. Jesus willingly and knowingly suffered the ultimate penalty so we would not have to. When we read about his agony in the Garden of Gethsemane, we can see that no superhuman strength was granted to allow Him to bypass the agony of His choice. He endured all the fear, despair, and loneliness of separation from God so we would not have to.
I used to think of Good Friday as the time of somber reflection before the joyous relief of grace on Easter morning. Indeed, it is a somber time. But maybe grace didn’t wait until Easter to show up. Grace wouldn’t be real if it wasn’t hard, if it didn’t cost something. What could be harder than the work of grace accomplished on that Good Friday?
Maybe the resurrection was the easy part.