The Forest For The Trees

I recently talked with a friend of mine about trees. We share an affinity for trees for similar, but not identical reasons. There's just something about trees that is just reassuring and solid. They've seen a lot of history. Unfortunately, the same thing I love about their resilience and the reliability of their presence is also the same thing that also causes me to take them for granted. They're always there. Mostly, I notice them when they change with the seasons, which always gets me thinking about how they survive the cruelest of winters to come back every spring.
This conversation got me thinking about other things in nature that I'm drawn to. There are certain things I love that I (and most people who know me) am completely aware of. Lilacs, rainbows, anything having to do with spring. But I bet there are things in nature and in life that I'm drawn to without even realizing it. I'm going to make an effort to discover some of these things.

Current Music: This Is Me (You're Not Talking To), Randy Travis
Current Read: Wind In The Willows, Kenneth Grahame

Thirteen Random Things

1. One of my favorite bloggers, Lee over at Little Nuances is back online. I'm quite happy about this and I hope you'll check him out.
2. There's this quote that I'm loving as of late. I just can't bear to put it on my list of faves next to the stuff by Mother Teresa and Emerson. "They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. But that's only if you twist the blade and lift up."
3. I'm really starting to dislike emergency rooms.
4. I found a new text & graphics tool, similar to Wordle. This one searches google images and blends them with the text you enter. Not sure about the applications because of copyright issues, but it still looks like fun.
5. My friend Paula posted pictures of the bears in her yard to her Facebook page. This totally made my day. I can't wait to go to Alaska!
6. Now that the Olympics are over, I need to seriously consider getting back to working out. I couldn't very well go work out over the last 2 weeks. I had to watch those athletes!
7. I found this great video game for people with cancer from Hope Lab. It's quite a lot of fun. Except when your character dies. There ought to be some counseling involved if your character in the game where you are fighting cancer doesn't survive.
8. I'm stalled on my current reading project.
9. Let's not even talk about my current writing project.
10. Furthermore, Netflix has effectively stalled my movies for the upcoming holiday weekend. I'm media deprived.
11. Did you know the leaves start to sound different late in the summer even before they change color? Seriously, if you listen they rustle more and just sound more autumn like.
12. The Anti Cruelty Society has a program where they temporarily house animals in crisis situations including domestic violence.
13. It's really hard to come up with 13 random things when I haven't written in a while.

13 Favorite Gifts

1. A couple of Christmases ago I got a custom made poster for my brother, showing the night sky over Chicago on the day he was born. This was special for him because his birthday is on September 11th. His reaction was priceless.
2. The Christmas before last was a very sad one for me. A good friend of mine sent me Kleenex.
3. The first Christmas with my college roommate I got her a Disney movie she said was her favorite. She laughed until she cried when she opened it because it was one of those things that she'd just never get for herself.
4. I love the dictionary my aunt got my for my 8th grade graduation. The inscription makes it even more special.
5. Along with that I love the thesaurus my brother got for me.
6. Another aunt got me a postal scale so I can mail manuscripts without having to go to the post office. More than just office equipment, she invested in and validated my efforts at writing.
7. Several years ago I gave 90% of my beanie baby collection away to my young second cousins. There were many children and many beanie babies; pretty much the kind of fun Christmas is all about.
8. My ipod. Just about the only big ticket item on the list. It really improves my quality of life to be able to have portable music.
9. The tooth fairy gave me a great teddy bear when I got my wisdom teeth out.
10. I looked for a long time for the perfect bear for my kitchen (I need at least one bear in every room). When I was on a random shopping trip with a friend we found a Smokey the Bear. He got it for me just because.
11. I've given a bear to each of my friends when they have a baby. That's fun.
12. An old friend lost her childhood toy in a fire. I went on a mission to find a replacement in antique stores. It was so worth it.
13. The ornaments my mom gets for my Christmas tree, because she supports the idea that only teddy bear ornaments are allowed on my tree.

Gold Medals

Once again I have a random stream of consciousness going that I'm not sure will amount to anything coherent. Last night I was at a meeting, so the lack of posting wasn't related to my lack of organized thought.
I'm loving the Olympics. The gymnastics, diving, and swimming are my favorites. Though I'm not quite sure why we have both volleyball and beach volleyball.
This week I gave my Creative Writing group the assignment of creating their own category of competition and handing out gold medals. Without exception, my group members gave out gold medals for merit in some area of relationships. Perhaps it was someone they directly interacted with and benefited from; a parent, a teacher. Other times it was simply someone they admire for how that person relates to others. Someone who has been a role model or demonstrated dedication towards helping others. I have to say I was proud of my group members for acknowledging that compassion, honesty and other relationship characteristics are more deserving of medals than speed or physical strength.
As an aside, my friends LeAnne and Crystal, along with Awareness, have posted some excellent thoughts as of late. Stop by and visit them for something a little more substantial than when I'm writing at the moment.

Understanding

Do you ever wonder if God understands everything about what you go through? Some people think He'll understand about the big stuff, but sometimes it seems like the day to day stuff we deal with is fairly inconsequential. We kind of treat those things as though they are simply things we just have to deal with on our own.
I'm sometimes guilty of falling into that trap myself. The other night I was reading the Psalms and these verses reminded He gets even the "little things."

"My heart is in anguish within me,
the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
Fear and trembling come upon me,
and horror overwhelms me.
And I say ' O that I had wings like a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest;
truly I would flee far away;
I would lodge in the wilderness;
I would hurry to find a shelter for myself
from the raging wind and tempest'...
It is not enemies who taunt me-
I could bear that;
it is not adversaries who deal insolently with me-
I could hide from them.
But it is you, my equal,
my companion, my familiar friend,
with whom I kept pleasant company...
My companion has laid hands on a friend
and violated a covenant with me
with speech smoother than butter,
but with a heart set on war;
with words that were softer that oil,
but in fact were drawn swords."

What Is There To Say?

About a year and a half ago I experienced the loss of someone I was very close to. Many people were very supportive of me during that time. Since then, I've experienced other losses and I've learned a great deal, some through the support of others and some in the absence of that support.
Now one of the friends who was so supportive during my time of grief is mourning a loss of her own. And despite everything I've read, everything I know about loss, and the countless acts of care and concern I've experienced from others, I do not know what to do or say. I cannot think of anything that would do justice to the kind of friendship she has shown me in my times of need. I cannot think of anything that can for one second diminish the helpless, empty pain of her loss.
There is hope for the future. And that does not change the fact that now is hard.

13 Things About Happy Fun Night

1. I've got a disc of Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends to watch tonight!
2. I'm thinking of downloading this very cool video game targeted towards people fighting cancer.
3. The Olympics start in two days and I'm very much looking forward to watching.
4. I've got the AC off and the windows open for the first time in days.
5. I still have some Dean's chocolate Moose Tracks ice cream for dessert.
6. I've also got some delicious bread someone from work gave to me.
7. I have lots of podcasts to catch up on.
8. The train tracks by my house are now designated a quiet zone at night.
9. I'm actually starting to feel like I might want to get organized.
10. I'm actually starting to feel like I might want to write.
11. The book discussion has started off well.
12. It's less than 3 weeks before my friend comes back to work.
13. Everything feels better after a really good thunderstorm.

Assorted Thoughts

Normally when I come back from a conference I take a day or two to metabolize all the information that was presented. So that's why I did not post yesterday as I usually try to do on Mondays. I'm still pretty lost in my head, so this isn't going to be the organized reflection I was hoping to write. I toyed with the idea of just posting the word salad in my brain and asking you to make sense of it, but I decided to try to make it a little more put together than that.

• My brother says social networking applications are basically a big time sink. To some extent, I agree; but we all need a bit of something to sink our free time into now & again. Today I read an article on reasons to Twitter. Two reasons stuck out for me. One is that you are limited to posts of 140 characters. It forces you to write tightly. The other reason is it also forces you to think about what you do on a more "moment by moment" basis. Twittering puts your daily activities in a virtual fishbowl. So might the "time sink" actually lead to better choices for how to spend your time?
• A quote I heard at the conference this weekend "I don't have enough faith to be an atheist." This really resonates with me & I've shared it with a few people which has led to some great discussion. Maybe I'll post more about it later.
• I'm re-reading Walking On Water by Madeline L'Engle. If you follow this blog at all, you know it's one of my favorite books. Every time I read it, I get a new insight. Last night I read how artistic choices are choices of love. Both love and art are creational (is that a word?) and relational. And at times, confrontational. She says, "In a day when we are taught to look for easy solutions, it is not easy to hold on to that most difficult one of all, love." Later, she speaks of writing a novel as a risky venture many of us would step away from when it "demands a conscious falling through the window, a journey through the looking glass." Yes, I can see the connection between art and relationships.

13 Questions

1. Which handmade books should I take to the conference?
2. Did I take my medicine tonight?
3. Why won't my insurance pay for the test I need?
4. Why is Dean's Chocolate Moose Tracks ice cream so good?
5. Why do so many people come across my blog by googling sad search terms?
6. Is my blog sad?
7. How should I dress for the conference tomorrow?
8. What questions should I ask for my book discussion group?
9. Why do people say things they don't mean?
10. Is next week's meeting going to be rescheduled?
11. Will a magic house fairy come & clean my home while I'm gone?
12. Will a magic work fairy come & do all my paperwork while I'm gone?
13. Am I forgetting anything?

Conference Time

I'm attending a conference later in the week, so posting will be light for a few days. I forgot how much work it is to prepare for a conference. It's a whole different experience than the everyday routine. I'm hoping it will be inspirational and informational. I'm also treating it like a vacation, which I desperately need. I'm splurging on the hotel. Maybe I've even splurge on room service. I'll report more about it when I get back.

Ain't That Just Life Sometimes?

It's Friday. I've had a long day, a long week, and I have a headache. So what do I do under these circumstances when I need to blog? I raid the Youtube files for something entertaining. Have fun.

Things To Do

I know this is a relatively boring TT, but I'm multi-tasking here. I've got a busy week coming up, so today's TT is thirteen things I need to do this week.

1. Get ready for a conference
2. Clean the house
3. Make a book
4. Go to the doctor
5. Answer about a dozen emails
6. Keep a play date with a friend
7. BFS meeting for church
8. Write an article for church newsletter
9. My nails
10. Laundry
11. Call the student loan people (I keep forgetting this one)
12. Finish reading a book for a book discussion
13. Blog (OK, so I can cross this one off my list)

Magic

There was a magician at the mall this weekend. He wasn't really doing magic tricks. He was just standing in the middle of the mall making balloon animals for kids. I was drawn in by his skill with the balloons and with the children. He kept track of every request, be it a blue teddy bear, a pink & purple butterfly, or a yellow flower. And all requests were filled in the order they were received. He never lost his patience and he never made a mistake. You could see how happy he was to see each child's face light up as he handed over his finished product.
An allergy prevented me from taking part in the joy of balloon animals as a kid. So watching this was an opportunity to vicariously live out a part of my childhood. And it made me happy.
I think that was the magic part.

Silence

I orginally posted this a little over a year ago. It's worthy of a repost today.

Take, take til there’s nothing. Nothing to turn to. Nothing when you get through. Break, scatter pieces of all I’ve been. Bowing to all I’ve been running to.
Where are You? Where are You?
Did You leave me unbreakable? Leave me frozen? I never felt so cold, I though You were silent. And I thought You left me for the wreckage and the waste on an empty beach of faith. Was it true?
'Cause I, I got a question. I got a question. Where are You?
Scream, deeper I want to scream. I want You to hear me. I want You to find me. I want to believe. But all I pray is wrong and all I claim is gone.
I, I got a question. I got a question. Where are You? Yeah, Yeah, I, I got a question. I got a question. Where are You?
Where are You?
Where are You?
Where are You?

Silence, Jars of Clay

Find Cheap Gas!

I didn't think I was going to post today because I am well aware that yesterday's post was about 3 days worth of blogging in one go.
However, I ran across this link at a fellow blogger's site. I checked it out & while not all cities have current information, many of them did. And within each city, gas prices fluctuate 6-10 cents per gallon. That's not even taking into consideration the fact that many people travel through several communities each day. So it might be worth it to look up cities near you and see if gas is cheaper a block or two away from where you usually travel.
The site is Gas Buddy.
Happy travels.

Stabilizing the Narrative

I had a fascinating conversation this weekend, about 45% of which I actually understood. Who knows what would have happened if I understood the whole thing. We talked about ontology, psychology, postmodernism, art, and physics. It all started when I mentioned how the therapist part of me and the writer part of me have been been coming together and I've discovered that A) they want to work together more, and B) they want to be supported by others in those efforts to do so.
In the world of counseling, we call this validation. Well, my conversation partner began explaining what he knows of cognitive science and ontology (he's brilliant). He talked about how most of us refer to the self in terms of internal, private experiences and roles that don't change much. Then he said some stuff I didn't really understand. Then he said something I sort of understood about science often trying to account for change when what we really ought to be doing is accounting for stability. He explained stability as a relative concept and said some more stuff I didn't much understand about postmodernism and how it messes with our own ability to be change agents in our lives because of something about relative reality.
Then he said the reason we talk to people or tell stories at all is we are all trying to stabilize our own narratives. That I understood. In my head and in my core. The meaning of stabilizing one's own narrative is so much deeper and more complex than simply seeking validation. Thinking of your life as a narrative, when the plot line takes a twist, the story becomes destabilized. Who we are is in large part reflected back by the people around us. If our roles, interests, or our very lives are altered, what do the people around us reflect back? Can a parent who has lost a child still be friends with the other parents from the block? It depends on if both sets of parents can absorb that change in the narrative. If you decide to move, change jobs, or change relationships, will you be successful? A big part of the answer to that is finding ways to support your narrative.
Who we are even changes as a result from little things like losing weight or changing hobbies. And the people around us can feel destabilized by those changes rather than being able to absorb them. (What do you mean you don't want chocolate? You haven't written in how long?).
As the self changes, it looks for some force around it that has very little relative change. Big changes for the main character of your life (who is also the author: you) mean big changes for your story. I don't know as much about fiction as I'd like, but I do know that the story falls apart when there's a wild plot twist that isn't absorbed by the dialog, characterization, setting, or pacing of the narrative. The tricky part so far seems to be that to get the narrative to stabilize and balance the change for the main character change may need to occur relative to the other components of the story, all of which are elements in their own stories and the stories of others as well.

Gone Fishing

Well, maybe not fishing. I'm not so fond of fishing. But I am taking a vacation from blogging this week. In the meantime, stop by some of my friends' sites and see what they're up to. I'll see all y'all next week.

Home of the Brave

What come to mind when you think of the Fourth of July? Among the many answers I get from my weekly creative writing group, freedom and independence are always popular responses. We have gotten so used to exploring these common themes around the Fourth of July that the writing exercises lose freshness; they begin to all sound similar and familiar.
This year was different for me. I spent a lot of time this week with someone I consider to be very brave, which got me thinking about that quality that our national anthem proclaims we're all supposed to have. I've done a lot of thinking on the subject and I have more questions than answers at this point.
What makes a person brave? Is it something we're born with, or is it developed through circumstances? Can a person who isn't brave learn to be brave? Being brave is likely to lead to bigger challenges where more bravery is required. How do you measure bravery? If being brave is going to lead to bigger risks, how do you overcome that fear? People who are brave often have their thoughts focused on something bigger than the fear, which supplies the energy to the bravery. What do you do when the fear is bigger than the bravery?

Works For Me

This is another TT inspired by one I saw a week or two ago on another blog. Here are thirteen things that work for me. That is, they make my life easier or more fun, or just better in some way.

1. Netflix. It makes more sense for me to pay for the movies that I want rather than an excessive number of cable channels I don’t want.
2. Happy Fun Day. After a recent post on the dreaded Monday syndrome a certain reader who shall remain nameless suggested that I plan something fun for Wednesdays. Wednesdays have since been named Happy Fun Day.
3. Peapod. Even if shopping was a little easier for me, I think I’d still use Peapod because I really like saving the time and energy it takes to shop.
4. Magazines. I recently re-subscribed to a couple of publications after letting them lapse. I’m so happy I did. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why I was having trouble in the “what to read” department. I needed my magazines.
5. My ipod. To borrow from tobyMac, I just love my “portable sounds.”
6. Google Reader. In an effort to simplify my online life, I signed up for this service which lets me catch up with all my favorite blogs in one spot.
7. Exercise. I feel better in general and better about myself when I exercise. So why don’t I do this more often?
8. Life Journal. With all the different kinds of writing I do I really get a lot of mileage out of my computer journal. Sometimes thoughts flow better when I’m typing.
9. Shelfari. I love keeping track of the books I read and meeting new people who share my interest in books.
10. Variety. For a long time I tried to find the perfect way to use my quiet time. I’d work with one idea for a while and then get bored with it. I finally realized that it’s not the activities that are the problem. I just need to switch things up a little once in a while.
11. My friend Dianne just wrote about a new favorite tool on her blog. The Pocket Mod is a free online template system for day planners. I’m already wondering about some of the possibilities this has for book art.
12. CS Lewis. I’m feeling a Lewis mood come on, despite the utter failure of my efforts to see the latest Narnia movie. Check out this quote of his I recently discovered. “Some people feel guilty about their anxieties and regard them as a defect of faith, but they are afflictions, not sins. Like all afflictions, they are, if we can so take them, our share in the passion of Christ.”
13. Fireworks. Fireworks just work for me. I am hoping I get to see some this year.

Just When You Thought It Was Safe

I warned y'all it was going to be another intense week and I wasn't going to have a lot of time or mental focus for writing. You cannot say I did not warn you. With that in mind, one must ask what could possibly be better than the previous video of VeggieTales and Harry Potter combined when one is fast approaching meltdown status? To be truthful, I did not think a better harmony of friendly absurdity and amusement exsisted.
I was wrong.